bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will be naked everywhere
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
