he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dignity is for republicans.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
