Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
