I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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