Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
