On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
