I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
