We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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