I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
