wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
