I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
