She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
