Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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