We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
