his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
