its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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