if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this boner is exhausting
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
