summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sober January is a disaster.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
