TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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