I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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