Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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