Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
