is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my shit smells like andre
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
