did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
