I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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