When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
