You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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