I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
