4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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