we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
