They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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