I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
