Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
