Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
