i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
