It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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