Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
