I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
