End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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