I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
