I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
