were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
