Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
