Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
