i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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