As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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