Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
