I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
