Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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