My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
