Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
