We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
