im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
