That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
