WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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