i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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