seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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