i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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