saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
