I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
