Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
