Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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