Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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