Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
