my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
