Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
