god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
