My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize