Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
