I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
farters have to be the big spoon...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
