And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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