just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
