Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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