You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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