my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want to make out with him forever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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