Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors