Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
