Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep