using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
smell my finger.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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