Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm home now. bring me food and boobies

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  (781): I'm home now. bring me food and boobies http://tfl.nu/wuzk
  Replies (3) Good night (2604) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

  (239): View more from Florida

  I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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  (239): I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning. (239): I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais. http://tfl.nu/n26p
  Replies (18) Good night (830) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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  (360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep. http://tfl.nu/xylt
  Replies (52) Good night (1699) Bad night (8221)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.

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  (205): just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate. http://tfl.nu/3189
  Replies (26) Good night (1167) Bad night (7862)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

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  (217): Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself. http://tfl.nu/hfdh
  Replies (12) Good night (1036) Bad night (7296)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

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  (925): I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/g61c
  Replies (8) Good night (1097) Bad night (3544)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.

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  (781): I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together. http://tfl.nu/rbls
  Replies (4) Good night (3929) Bad night (943)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (2086) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"

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  (312): I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day" http://tfl.nu/qds9
  Replies (5) Good night (1540) Bad night (1438)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

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  (509): Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place... http://tfl.nu/dgik
  Replies (6) Good night (1402) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn

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  (413): Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn http://tfl.nu/brfq
  Replies (8) Good night (767) Bad night (2320)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."

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  (361): Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again." http://tfl.nu/1lne
  Replies (9) Good night (1160) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.

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  (303): I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG. http://tfl.nu/ltlv
  Replies (4) Good night (521) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.

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  (209): He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well. http://tfl.nu/cgxn
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.

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  (720): Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant. http://tfl.nu/1gzu
  Replies (9) Good night (552) Bad night (234)

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