is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just had sex on a roof
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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