We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.