Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.

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  (847): the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker. http://tfl.nu/4drl
  Replies (13) Good night (2091) Bad night (860)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

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  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5900) Bad night (1371)
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  (619): View more from California

  she peed on how many people?

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  (619): she peed on how many people? http://tfl.nu/sqm0
  Replies (23) Good night (2107) Bad night (6021)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1306) Bad night (4100)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society

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  (614): I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society http://tfl.nu/ns4r
  Replies (20) Good night (3444) Bad night (1300)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.

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  (814): No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock. http://tfl.nu/ts69
  Replies (20) Good night (2944) Bad night (1361)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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  (214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18
  Replies (9) Good night (3469) Bad night (1039)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.

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  (713): Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome. http://tfl.nu/qq5z
  Replies (8) Good night (4475) Bad night (1968)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk

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  (709): we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk http://tfl.nu/yaqj
  Replies (11) Good night (953) Bad night (1965)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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  (519): she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!" http://tfl.nu/5ib0
  Replies (19) Good night (3790) Bad night (893)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.

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  (312): Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom. http://tfl.nu/3sxn
  Replies (8) Good night (650) Bad night (1292)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?

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  (315): Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal? http://tfl.nu/b8jf
  Replies (16) Good night (1162) Bad night (479)
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?

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  (234): Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories? http://tfl.nu/bj62
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (362)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

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  (717): You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING? http://tfl.nu/nnf3
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (393)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you win. again.

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  (651): My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night (1-651): i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning (651): you win. again. http://tfl.nu/icl2
  Replies (1) Good night (924) Bad night (350)

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