Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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